04. The Husbands Role

Today there is much confusion regarding roles among the sexes. This has brought about confusion, uncertainty and trouble. It is important for us to get the roles right in order to lay proper foundations for society and the family.

The mature man has a realistic self-image. He has enough self- confidence so that he doesn’t feel threatened because someone become anxious or hostile if his wife or others disagree with him. He is not always comparing himself with others. 2 Cor. 10.12

HIS LEADERSHIP Eph. 5:23,1Tim. 3:4-12, 1Cor.11:3

The husband’s role in the marriage is a servant- leader. To eliminate the confusion in the business world we have a manager, we need the same in the family and in the church.

The Biblical concept of a leader is one who is a servant. Jn.13: 1-15. The husbands concern is not for himself, it is not to give orders, not to be the boss of the family. His concern is for his wife, his family, his home, for others. As the families main servant he is to serve and lead his wife and family, build them up provide a happy home and life for them.

Christ is our model. He gave Himself for the Church and held nothing back, that is to be our attitude. Christ did not lead from a distance, nor send notes or have rare visits and talks; He spent time with those who were close to Him. You must spend time with your wife and family. Have the mind of Christ. Phil. 2: 6-8

Peter tells us we are to dwell (live) with our wives, not avoid them, but to have regular companionship with them. 1Pet. 3:7

Paul tells us to take time to teach, explain to our wives and discuss with them, as Christ taught the disciples. 1 Cor. 14:35

Christ was an example in life, in word in deed and in prayer. He was a perfect model; we should mimic him in being a good model for our wives, in all areas. He led His disciples by making clear and concise decisions and definite directions. He was not confused in His communications. At the same time He gave them room for their own initiative and creativity. He was sensitive to their fears, needs, and questions, spiritual, emotional and physical state. We are to treat our wives that way. When the husband makes decisions but invites the wife to share in them and discuss them together before he makes a big decision. His wife is a consultant, and teammate, who advises him. When there is no clear scripture on an issue, the husband should ask his wife to pray with him about the matter. The ability of leading with most men comes natural to him in family life. Gen.1: 26

Man has an innate desire to oversee the family. Gen. 3:16

Woman’s innate desire (inclination) is to follow him and assist him. Ladies should encourage the man in their role and men should encourage the women in their role. Aggressive women cause frustrated men and make the home an unhappy place to be. When men refuse the leadership role, a woman may become frustrated, carnal or domineering.

This trait of male leadership also comes out in the church concept.

The man is to lead in spiritual matters. Josh. 24:15


Man was made with an innate desire to be productive. Gen 2:5

He was to enjoy dressing the garden and caring for it. Gen. 2:15

Even after the curse, he still worked, he is industrious and not to be lazy. Gen.3: 19

Abel kept sheep and Cain tilled the ground. A man teaches his children to be industrious. His body is designed for hard work a woman’s is not. Gen. 4:2

The man’s role is to provide for and lead his wife and family. 1 Tim.5: 8

The woman complements him; she is his equal partner but has a different role. She is the manageress of the home, bearing and sharing for the children.

Wives, a word of caution do not kill your men making them work too much overtime to get “things”, or feeding him the wrong foods.

Men do not become “workaholics”, or reading or studying too much, spend time with your wife and family

Remember both partners have gifts and talents that reach beyond the home allow for this. Outlet is necessary but the “home life” is the anchor.


What a person does is a result of what he is. If a man is weak in principle, he will follow the path of least resistance. If he is hostile, self-centred, domineering he will become troublesome, selfish and lawless. At your core lies your character, what you are when no one else is around that’s the real you.

The Christian man is to build moral principles, honesty, self-discipline, determination, responsibility, dependability and motivation.

A/ You can be good and be strong in character.

B/ You can have a bad or weak character.

C/ A mediocre character is most unpredictable.

If a man is a leader, then he must give his wife something worth following. Loving and caring parents give stability. Unloving or disinterested parents form bad traits n their children’s character. No matter what your background there is a new way of forming character for the believer, it comes by understanding God’s Word. Rom. 8:29. Good strong character helps you build proper relationships.


This is the impression one gives to others, it may not be the real you. This is weakness of character. You may be nice to your wife in company but at home you are cruel to her. This has to change, remember, we are always in God’s company. Personality will be the mirror of your character. A false personality can often develop mental and emotional problems.


A/ Men tend to get absorbed in their vocation in life, in things or in women. Because their work is outside the home, it may lead away from the priorities of family life. While little girls go on playing with dolls and playhouses, boys go on to cars, planes, sports toys, gadgets. They are interested in outside things, a women loves her home.

B/ The most beautiful thing that gets into a man’s mind is a woman (Song of Solomon 1:7-8). Many men will even fantasize over one woman, even to the point of wrongful lust (Matt.5:28). The female shape turns him on and he must avoid nudity or pornography. A woman is turned on by a man’s voice, words, right actions and attitudes to her. Ladies you must dress to please your man not other men, choose your cloths and perfumes well. Make yourself as beautiful for him as you can.

C/ Men like to think they have courage and laugh when women are frightened of the dark, of a spider, a mouse or a dog. They like to think they are tough. They see themselves as a mountain climber, pilot, astronaut, and adventurer. On the positive side this courage is used to protect their wife and family. On the negative side they may make others feel small.


Yes men have them, although they always don’t like to admit it. Sometimes they act as men of steel, afraid of nothing and don’t cry. If a man is upset in his emotions he will produce anger, frustration, aggression and hostility, a woman will cry. These traits can be taken out on the one he loves. Watch for him and care for him when he is like this.


A fun loving boy lies below all that serious thinking and outer shell. If that part dominates all the time, it is a sign of immaturity. It does, however, need to get out occasionally. Men tend to buy their children toys they can play with. They tend to love action, go to football or sports events, like cars, etc.


1 Live a carefully balanced life. There are rules for the body and mind. Have proper rest and relaxation etc. Think about wholesome things (Phil. 4:6-8).

2. Maintain your physical health as well as possible. This in turn will help in good mental health. “Physical exercise profits (little), it does profit but not as much as godliness.

3. Develop good mental attitudes that will give outward expression to your strong emotions.

4. Trust and confide in your partner.

5. Avoid things that are wrong and immoral, this will stop guilt.

6. Do not run away from problems, face them and deal with them.

7. Do not fight God or your partner; you should be relaxed in the presence of both.

8. Avoid anxious care. (Mk. 4:19,Lk. 8:14). Trust God for your families needs and provide the necessary things, such as food, cloths, and a home.

9. Avoid the unnecessary things in life they are extra luggage in life. (Heb. 12:1) They may be good or bad, but may not be spiritually profitable. Ask your self “Does God want me to have it, it is it good for me, will it benefit me and my family?”


He is a loving leader. He gives sacrificial love to her. His wife has a great need for love and to be loved. God commands him more than once within the space of three verses “husbands love your wives.” Women show love and affection more naturally men need to be exhorted to do so. Men are to love their wife as they love their own selves and love as Christ loves the church. Eph.5: 25-33

A/ Unselfish Love. A man uses a lot of time, thought, effort and money to take care of himself or his hobbies, he should do the same for his wife. He nourishes and provides for himself, he does not bring harm to himself. If he is tired he sleeps, hungry he eats, sick he wants attention, and he should also do the same for his wife.

B/ Practical Love. You may express your love by helping her. Physical help when she needs it, moral help when others criticize her, spiritual help for her soul, a soul mate, help with the babies and the children. Help her with her gifts and talents, her vacation.

C/ Sacrificial Love. You are tired but she needs to talk to you, if urgent give her your time and listen carefully to her. Perhaps you are the only adult she has seen all day if she is looking after children. She may need help with something you are to help her. To deny self is a way of saying “ I love you”.

D/ Sharing Love. Permit her to share in your life, need, your job and decisions. You are “Heirs together” 1 Pet.3:7. Your past and your present, your hopes and dreams, belong together, don’t make her feel like a stranger or an intruder, don’t stay aloof. Openness and sharing show that you care for her and value her.

E/ Equal Love. Do not compare her to others physically, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, her gifts and talents. She is unique and the your special choice, explore these areas with her, develop and encourage her. She will think it a “put down” when an other person pleases her husband more.

F/ Expressive Love. You should express to her that she is the most important woman in your life. You should treat her in such a manner. She loves to be told and to be treated as your woman. Treat her well, she is God’s gift to you and you are God’s gift to her. Express appreciation for and praise for ideas, opinions, cooking, input etc

G/. Sexual love. Do not use her body to fulfil your lusts. Learn to love her and find out what makes her happy in foreplay and the sex act. Remember it is not just a physical thing but spiritual, emotional and meaningful thing, the bed is undefiled and sex is God’s gift, do not abuse it or make it dirty. Heb. 13:4


Examine your relationship with your wife. If something is wrong, make it right.. Correct any failures. If there is schism between you, apologise and make things right do, don’t let it go on too long. Read carefully and slowly with her 1 Corinthians 13.