08. Good Communications in Marriage

For two people to walk, live together, or work together, you need good communications. If they have the same goals and assist one another, it will lead to sweet agreement, a genuine oneness. Most marriages fail because of lack of good communication, not done in the right way and with the wrong motive or attitude. Most marriages succeed because of good communications. (Amos 3:3).

OPENNESS AND HONESTY Eph. 4:25 , 1 John 1:7-10

Open your mouth, communicate and do not play games, hide nothing.
Communication helps you know and understand your partner, children or friends.
Observing your partner is not enough; the same applies to other people.
You may express surprise in company when your mate says something and you may respond by saying, ‘ I never knew you felt like that?’ or ‘I didn’t know I was annoying you?’ or ‘I didn’t know you liked me doing or saying that?’ It is your job to let your partner know before others as this lack of communication may cause problems in your relationship.
To keep things hidden from your partner or to keep them to yourself and will drive a wedge between you.
Unresolved things can grow out of proportion. Nip things in the bud; deal with them as soon as possible. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. “Be angry and sin not”. This type of anger hates injustice, immorality, ungodliness and every other sin When such anger is unselfish and based on love for God and others , it is not only permissible but commanded. “Let not the sun go down on your wrath”. Even righteous anger can turn to bitterness, so should be set aside by the end of each day. If anger is prolonged it has many negative affects.(Eph. 4:26 )

At times we can cover or disregard or do not forgive. “Have a fervent love” or stretch your love to the limit. This kind of love requires the Christian to put another’s spiritual good ahead of his own desires, in spite of being treated unkindly, ungraciously, or even with hostility. “Love will cover a multitude of sins”. This love covers sins but does not preclude the discipline of sinning unrepentant church member. It means that Christians should overlook sins against him if possible and always be ready to forgive insults and unkindness. (1 Pet. 4:8, Prov. 10:12).
It is necessary to face the problem, confront it, discuss it and resolve it.

Is it true? Do I have all the facts? Speak no corrupt or rotten words from your mouth but “what is good for necessary edification that it may impart grace to the hearers”. It should be instructive, encouraging, and uplifting, even if it is corrective. (Eph. 4:29 ; Prov. 18: 3).
Will it help or hurt. Is it constructive or destructive? “But the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel”. Wisdom in speech is desirable. (Prov. 20:15, Rom.15: 1-3).
Is it the right time to say it? “A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a and a word spoken in due season , how good it is”. (Prov. 15:23).
Are my attitude and motives right? (Eph.4:25, 32, 1 Cor. 16:14 ).
Am I using the right words? (Prov. 12:25, 15:2,14, 22:23 ).
Have I prayed about it? (Prov.3: 5-6, Col. 4:2-6).
Am I manipulative and use my tears to get things my way?
Do I listen and hear everything by way of explanation the person has to say?
Are you being clear in what you are communicating? What you say and what you mean may be two different things.
Don’t have a short fuse, or explode all the time. Do not shout and fume with anger and scream. If you consistently do this you will push your partner away from you and make your partner withdrawn. Don’t be withdrawn yourself. Talk about what is bothering you. Don’t always put your partner down; it will have the same affect upon yourself. When these attitudes persist the communication lines are broken down and you will end up with a silent partner.


Many a wound has been inflicted because of lack of self-control. (Prov. 12:18, Jas. 3:5-8). Words can be painful and dangerous. Words can be a sledgehammer to bash you one into the ground, a sharp arrow to shot a person down. They can be explosive and destructive bringing ruin, hurtful bringing devastation and even death. Words can be malicious and cause character assassination. Words can be hasty, bitter, careless, cutting like a sword. It is better to think of the consequences before you speak.

(Eph 4:2). Treat each other in lowliness and mildness.

Vs. 29 We are to use only speech, which is good and beneficial to our spiritual progress.

Vs 32 We are to be useful, helpful, kind, tenderhearted and ready to forgive one nether.


Communication is both sending and receiving. Give the person your attention when they speak to you and apologise if you have not done so.

Do not yawn or have a blank stare when they are talking. Explain if you are tired and that it is not the best time to speak.

Do not be rude or make faces that are intimidating.

Show an interest and alertness in what the partner is saying.

Let the person speak without interruption, and if possible stop what you are doing and listen. Prov. 18:13, Jas. 1:19.


If problems arise you must be willing to admit that you may be part of them.
Each partner must be willing to change.
Avoid emotionally charged words. I.e. “You always do this”.
Be responsible for your own words, actions and deeds.
Don’t bring up old matters. Leave the past behind. Forgive if necessary.
Deal with one problem at a time.
Major on the positive.
Express thoughts and concerns t your mate.
The golden rule is to do unto your mate, as you would have them do unto you.
You could win an argument and lose the war, which is more important?